There are lots of books, articles, classes, and “how to” courses on how to help with anger management, all of them claiming to have the key information you need to manage and control your anger issues. The problem is that their basic assumption is wrong.
If you manage your anger, the thinking goes, that means you’re not getting rid of your anger, just learning how to continuously control and manage these bad feelings. The feelings are permanent; they never go away, so you’re bound to get angry again if you don’t manage them properly. This approach simply does not work, because it just perpetuates your anger instead of resolving it.
Anger is a perfectly normal and natural feeling that everyone experiences from time to time, but it is not a terribly useful emotion. When anger becomes a habit or takes over your life to the point where you are struggling or facing negative consequences, it has crossed the line to become a true problem. Some of the symptoms of problem anger include:
- Anxiety or nervousness
- Sweating, rapid heart beat, and rapid breathing
- Headaches and changes in appetite
- Muscle tension, twitches, and general restlessness
- Feeling irritable and bad-tempered
- Difficulty sleeping
- Difficulty dealing with criticism
- Withdrawing from people and activities you normal enjoy
- Confusion, poor concentration, and forgetfulness
Your anger may have started in one of a number of different ways. Maybe you’ve been holding on to a minor event, carrying the resentment around and letting it grow until it eventually erupts. Or, maybe you had a tough day at work and everything you encounter that evening is irritating and wearing on your nerves. Another common occurrence is anger that is connected with alcohol or drug use.
Regardless of how your anger started or how it comes out in your life, the solution to this problem does not lie in learning how to manage or control the feelings. Instead, the solution is to identify the old, automatic thought patterns and behaviours associated with your anger, and set about re-training your mind to create new thought patterns and behaviours that are more calm, reasonable, and centered.
At acme we take a different approach to dealing with your anger issues. Instead of trying to manage and control anger, these techniques teach you how to resolve your anger and get rid of it so you can deal with events in a way that is more conscious and reasonable. Our therapist accesses your conscious mind and unconscious mind, helping you develop new thought processes and behaviours that prevent you from becoming overwhelmed with emotion and anger.
